It's hard to know if the person who makes your heart beat faster today is, in fact, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with – if marriage is in your plans, of course. Regardless of whether you believe in a concept like "soul mate", the fact is that making sure someone is THE love of your life is something heavy – that's why we end up making mistakes when defining who will stand by our side "till death do us part."
The truth is that 42% of marriages end in divorce, and that's pretty alarming. The Independent gathered a series of testimonies given by people who got divorced, and, strange as it may seem, the reason most cited as responsible for the termination of marriages was "marrying only for love".
“Romantics” who use the rational side: take a deep breath and let's go with the logic of emotional romantics: for them, a marriage does not depend only on love, but on administration itself. Getting married is dealing with household chores, finances, work problems, truncated hours and, of course, raising children. For rational "Romantics", marriage is more a "relationship between business partners than between lovers".
“And my mistake was to believe that being by your side would be enough” (lyrics from a Brazilian song)
While this could be interpreted as too cold a view of a marriage, the truth is that many people who have been married agree with it. For the Romantics, love is a choice, from the moment a person chooses to love their spouse even in the most difficult moments, the two stay together and propose to solve the problems.
Another mistake cited was choosing a partner for life based on what he is or has, such as when someone marries just because the other is a doctor, lawyer or businessman, for example, and supposedly has a good financial life and a good social status.
That idea that “opposites attract” was also considered a mistake: “Some difference is obviously good, but the most successful marriages I've seen are those where people were as similar as possible,” said one respondent.
It is not easy
One more mistake that may be directly related to the above is the belief we sometimes think that we will be able to change the other person – here is a “recipe for disaster”, said one of the testimonies. In fact, there are some personality traits that are not easily changeable, and often the person doesn't even intend to act differently.
Among the remaining mistakes mentioned several times by respondents were getting married for fear of loneliness and the couple not reaching a consensus on children before marriage – a conversation on this topic is essential for both to be sure about each other's expectations.
In fact, these mistakes do seem to be behind marriages that have ended up failing. Choosing someone to be with you throughout your life is a big responsibility, and the key seems to be to bring together love, planning, and lots of conversation. Now tell us: do you hope to get married one day or would you rather have a life without this kind of commitment?